Welcome to the Mongolian political horsewhispering forum, also known as /mlpol/. This thread is dedicated to helping out newfags coming to the site with integrating into the local culture. If you have a question about something, or need spoonfed on something, don't be afraid to ask me or any other Anon willing to help.
Here's a few things to start.
1.- Read the policy page first: https://mlpol.net/policy.html
2.- When in doubt, lurk moar.
3.- Praise American, Praise Football.
4.- MODS = GODS.
5.- Anonfilly did nothing wrong.
6.- No one knows what /1ntr/ is for, not even /1ntr/.
7.- Check the catalog.
8.- Go away, Zald.
9.- Don't start shit.
11.- This is nice board.
And finally...
12.- The right to bare ponies SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED.
/mlpol/ - My Little Politics
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Newfag Welcome/Help Thread
Anonymous
Yd1pZ
?
No.174798
1468 replies and 826 files omitted.
>>372061
>New video on us!
Fasces kicking the polacks to the curb had the effect of denying ammo to the video creator. Then Buttercup Dew took most of that slanderous hit piece. I'm sending Butter an email right away.
>New video on us!
Fasces kicking the polacks to the curb had the effect of denying ammo to the video creator. Then Buttercup Dew took most of that slanderous hit piece. I'm sending Butter an email right away.
>>372061
I love how having the same political views as most people 25 years ago makes us alt right LOL yesterday's regular guy is today's alt right extremist
I love how having the same political views as most people 25 years ago makes us alt right LOL yesterday's regular guy is today's alt right extremist
>>372062
The funniest part in this instance is that, when saying as such, he showed the page about Aryanne on the Know Your Meme page. Thing is, if you go there, this is written out in plain text under the "Origin" section:
>The first image of Aryanne[4] to be uploaded to MLP image hosting site Derpibooru was submitted on February 14th, 2014, created by the artist randy.
Mind you, the page hasn't been updated in over 4 years, so it's not like it was edited in the making of the video or something.
My guess is that the creator got this claim from Turkey Tom's video, of which he is clearly aware of, as he uses a clip from it.
The funniest part in this instance is that, when saying as such, he showed the page about Aryanne on the Know Your Meme page. Thing is, if you go there, this is written out in plain text under the "Origin" section:
>The first image of Aryanne[4] to be uploaded to MLP image hosting site Derpibooru was submitted on February 14th, 2014, created by the artist randy.
Mind you, the page hasn't been updated in over 4 years, so it's not like it was edited in the making of the video or something.
My guess is that the creator got this claim from Turkey Tom's video, of which he is clearly aware of, as he uses a clip from it.
[Reply] [Last 50 Posts] [Last 100 Posts] [Last 200 Posts]
1471 replies | 827 files | 592 UUIDs | Page
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House passes bill to codify antisemitism for hate speech prosecution.
https://www.congress.gov/bill/118th-congress/house-bill/6090/text
https://x.com/_Mama_Mia10/status/1785766914297311390
https://www.congress.gov/bill/118th-congress/house-bill/6090/text
https://x.com/_Mama_Mia10/status/1785766914297311390
33 replies and 29 files omitted.
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I want an antizionist party
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Kinda the US is now under Noahide law.
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>it applies to Title IX. That means it'll be used to bankrupt any college or university that allows anti-jew protests
>Since according to the World Jewish Congress, criticism of Israel is anti-semitic, and that's the definition they are cementing into law, that means any of the anti-genocide protests are now anti-Semitism and if the schools refuse to expell students who do those protests, they're violating Title IV and owe Jews money
There is only one college I'm aware of that does not receive any federal money of any sort, directly or indirectly: https://www.hillsdale.edu/
>Since according to the World Jewish Congress, criticism of Israel is anti-semitic, and that's the definition they are cementing into law, that means any of the anti-genocide protests are now anti-Semitism and if the schools refuse to expell students who do those protests, they're violating Title IV and owe Jews money
There is only one college I'm aware of that does not receive any federal money of any sort, directly or indirectly: https://www.hillsdale.edu/
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>REPUBLICANS GO WOKE! - Join Democrats to Repeal the First Amendment!
https://www.bitchute.com/video/f2TsmNAOC1c/
https://www.bitchute.com/video/f2TsmNAOC1c/
File (): 6C92A529F28F65180580980237BB1FA0-25522647.mp4 (24.3 MB, Resolution:1280x720 Length:00:02:26, 213b8e87d7dae3fd7a14e57c3ccf0b43fd5dcd9f1cb317b2a7eb4ef5f6dda5e3.mp4) [play once] [loop]
Protestors at CUNY currently being forcibly removed by NYPD, National Guard has been requested
10 replies and 12 files omitted.
>>373160
This is part of why I hope Trump wins the election. Although Biden is just as pro-Israel as Trump, Democrats vehemently hate Trump and want the opposite of whatever he does. This means that if Trump is holding the cards and does the same thing as Biden, it's possible that anti-Zionism could permanently become a partisan issue in the US as lefties are enraged by Trump doing the same thing Biden does. The political narrative is shifting, but the democratic establishment is unequivocally pro-Israel; if Trump becomes president again and continues to support Israel in context of the destruction of Gaza, lefties might hate Israel forever. It's imperative that we not let being anti-Israel become a passing fad, even if only lefties hate Israel openly right now. The stranglehold of Zionism on American politics is at its most delicate.
It's an >accelerationist take, but I also want Trump for economic reasons, so I'm fine with it.
This is part of why I hope Trump wins the election. Although Biden is just as pro-Israel as Trump, Democrats vehemently hate Trump and want the opposite of whatever he does. This means that if Trump is holding the cards and does the same thing as Biden, it's possible that anti-Zionism could permanently become a partisan issue in the US as lefties are enraged by Trump doing the same thing Biden does. The political narrative is shifting, but the democratic establishment is unequivocally pro-Israel; if Trump becomes president again and continues to support Israel in context of the destruction of Gaza, lefties might hate Israel forever. It's imperative that we not let being anti-Israel become a passing fad, even if only lefties hate Israel openly right now. The stranglehold of Zionism on American politics is at its most delicate.
It's an >accelerationist take, but I also want Trump for economic reasons, so I'm fine with it.
>>373162
Trump has been groomed, like most presididn'ts, to take up the Malta inheritance. He is not a friend.
Trump has been groomed, like most presididn'ts, to take up the Malta inheritance. He is not a friend.
>>373158
Yes. You can agree with someone's stance on one issue while still condemning them for all their other retardation. Just watch your enemies fight, you'll always come out the winner
Yes. You can agree with someone's stance on one issue while still condemning them for all their other retardation. Just watch your enemies fight, you'll always come out the winner
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>Trump: antisemitism has to stop
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Salutations, faggots. I have been in hibernation these last few months, but have once again entered my active cycle. I descend now from the heavens like a vengeful whirlwind, ready to tear down the pillars of this world and bring about the final violent close of our wretched Kali Yuga. Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair. And by this I mean: I am about to take a gigantic steaming dump on yet another mediocre work of My Little Pony fanfiction written almost a decade ago.
>what is this?
You all know perfectly well what this is. For those of you that don't, I would prefer you remain eternally confused.
>why are you doing this?
Not even I know the answer to that anymore.
Previous Reviews:
Exchange
by getmeouttahere
>>>/mlpol/366626 →
Neo-Equestrian Obstetrics
by Kassaz
>>>/mlpol/348497 →
I.D.: That Indestructible Something
by Chatoyance
>>>/mlpol/342944 →
Our Girl Scootaloo
By Cozy Mark IV
>>>/mlpol/331344 →
Rainmetall (included in the Our Girl Scootaloo thread, post # indicates start point)
By /mlpol/'s very own Mexican Anon
>>>/mlpol/338993 →
The Best Night Ever
By Capn_Chryssalid
>>>/mlpol/327793 →
Fallout: Equestria
By kkat
>>>/mlpol/284789 →
The Sun & The Rose
By soulpillar
>>>/mlpol/269307 →
Friendship is Optimal (included in the Past Sins thread, post # indicates start point)
By Iceman
>>>/mlpol/266598 →
Past Sins
By Pen Stroke
>>>/mlpol/248482 →
Would it Matter if I Was?
By GaPJaxie
>>>/mlpol/202151 →
The Original Silver Star Threads:
(these threads are pretty chaotic and I don't begin "reviewing" until midway through, but they're an entertaining read if you have the patience to comb through them)
>>>/mlpol/165646 →
>>>/mlpol/166716 →
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Current Story:
Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons
by Somber
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/208056/fallout-equestria---project-horizons
Also, thanks to whatever drawfag created the OP image; it's been one of my favorites for awhile now. At least I'm assuming it was one of our drawfags. It would be a pretty bizarre coincidence if some random derpi artist had drawn something that hyper-specific by pure chance.
>what is this?
You all know perfectly well what this is. For those of you that don't, I would prefer you remain eternally confused.
>why are you doing this?
Not even I know the answer to that anymore.
Previous Reviews:
Exchange
by getmeouttahere
>>>/mlpol/366626 →
Neo-Equestrian Obstetrics
by Kassaz
>>>/mlpol/348497 →
I.D.: That Indestructible Something
by Chatoyance
>>>/mlpol/342944 →
Our Girl Scootaloo
By Cozy Mark IV
>>>/mlpol/331344 →
Rainmetall (included in the Our Girl Scootaloo thread, post # indicates start point)
By /mlpol/'s very own Mexican Anon
>>>/mlpol/338993 →
The Best Night Ever
By Capn_Chryssalid
>>>/mlpol/327793 →
Fallout: Equestria
By kkat
>>>/mlpol/284789 →
The Sun & The Rose
By soulpillar
>>>/mlpol/269307 →
Friendship is Optimal (included in the Past Sins thread, post # indicates start point)
By Iceman
>>>/mlpol/266598 →
Past Sins
By Pen Stroke
>>>/mlpol/248482 →
Would it Matter if I Was?
By GaPJaxie
>>>/mlpol/202151 →
The Original Silver Star Threads:
(these threads are pretty chaotic and I don't begin "reviewing" until midway through, but they're an entertaining read if you have the patience to comb through them)
>>>/mlpol/165646 →
>>>/mlpol/166716 →
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Current Story:
Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons
by Somber
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/208056/fallout-equestria---project-horizons
Also, thanks to whatever drawfag created the OP image; it's been one of my favorites for awhile now. At least I'm assuming it was one of our drawfags. It would be a pretty bizarre coincidence if some random derpi artist had drawn something that hyper-specific by pure chance.
File (): 8A237A2172C6665C833D5E075AC9EBF2-100488.png (98.1 KB, 717x556, Screenshot 2024-04-30 235550.png)
>>373098
Alright, so. I'm assuming most people at least know this fic by reputation, which is the only way I know it. As with every other fic I've reviewed, I'm going into this one more or less blind. The only thing I really know about it is that apparently it is Fallout: Equestria amped up to eleven: more blood, more cum, more edge, more insanity. And, last but probably far from least: more words.
Yes, that's right, you heard right. This story clocks in at an impressive 1,780,334 words. To put this in perspective, the original Fallout: Equestria by kkat, which is literally longer than War and Peace, clocks in at a mere 620,295 words. To put it in even more perspective, In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust, which as far as I'm aware is still officially the longest novel ever written, is only 1,267,069 words long.
There are 77 chapters in total, with multiple chapters exceeding 30,000 words and most chapters averaging somewhere in the 20,000 range. This is by far the longest thing I've ever attempted to tackle, and I honestly can't promise I will actually finish it. However, I intend to give it the ol' college try. And, much like Captain Ahab pursuing his white whale in a famous story penned by literary limpdick Herman Melville, who only managed to squeeze out a pathetic 206,052 words; hardly a match for a virile stallion like Somber, I will do everything in my power to drag all of you sad sacks down into the watery abyss with me, as I pursue this mad and probably hopeless quest.
I will see you on the other side, gentlemen. May God have mercy on our souls.
Chapter 1: Inception
>Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons
>By Somber
>Chapter 1: Inception
Well, this is off to a great start. Protip: no matter how your story is formatted and/or published, the odds are good that the title and author will be made apparent to whoever is reading it. You don't need to include this information in the text itself. Viewing this on fimfic, we can just scroll up a little and see what the book is called and who wrote it. To get the chapter title, we don't even have to do that much; it's literally written on the line directly above where the text begins. Perhaps Somber thought his chapter title was just so amazing that the reader would want to read it again immediately after having read it the first time. Snark aside, I understand that this text wasn't originally published on FimFiction, and the author probably just copypasted it directly from a google doc. However, would it have killed him to put a little effort into formatting?
Anyway, what the fuck. Here's the actual opening line for the story:
>“Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria…”
Well, at least he's not starting us off with a cliche.
And speaking of, here's the next line:
>War. War never changes.
Well, in Somber's defense, I'm pretty sure anyone writing a Fallout Equestria story is contractually obligated to include both of those lines somewhere in the text. At least he got them out of the way early on.
Incidentally, this well-worn Fallout trope is a bit misleading. War actually changes quite a bit; in fact I'd say it changes almost constantly. as an aside, I've actually been doing a bit of research on the Fallout series since I last delved into one of these. I even played a bit of the first game.
Anyway, what the fuck. Instead of nitpicking every single sentence, I should probably take a look at these statements in context. Here is the actual opening paragraph:
>War. War never changes. It had consumed our home, a war fought by foreign aggressors until great and terrible magics had been unleashed to burn all the world to ash and dust. Only our constant devotion to the Princesses had carried us through that terrible war, just as our unwavering faith in the Overmare maintained our continued survival within the earth. Trust in the Overmare; obey the Overmare.
As opening paragraphs go, this one probably works well enough. It reads like a cutscene intro from a Fallout game, and sets the tone for the rest of the story. However, the transition to the next paragraph is a bit jarring:
>The grating buzz of my alarm yanked me away from sleep. I stuck my left foreleg out from under the blankets, away from my head, felt around for the end table next to the bed, found it, and proceeded to whack my PipBuck against the tabletop until the right button was hit and the noise stopped.
Written this way, the intro paragraph reads like it's supposed to be part of the narration. So, in other words, the story so far goes like this: our protagonist mare is lying in bed, narrating the backstory of the world she lives in to herself for some reason, when suddenly her alarm goes off.
Anyway, what the fuck. Our protagonist, whose name is Blackjack, is awakened by her alarm clock one morning. We learn immediately that she lives in a place called Stable 99, and that life here is highly regimented.
>I had half an hour to wash, half an hour to eat, and an hour to report to my duty station. The same as it had been every day since I’d gotten my cutie mark.
Honestly, for a militarized dystopian hellhole, two hours to get ready in the morning is pretty generous.
Anyway, she rummages around, gets dressed, and heads down to the showers. On the way, she passes some murals that give us some insight into the setting:
>‘We are all the Overmare’s foals’ declared the caption of one picture of an abstract white unicorn hugging dozens of tiny ponies in her hooves. Another showed one lone weeping mare under the caption ‘Selfishness Separates’.
In all fairness, I will actually give this author some credit. So far, this story has a much stronger opening than the original FoE did. Kkat's story opened with a long infodump about PipBucks that had my eyes glazing over by the second paragraph. This one gets right to the point: here's our character, here's where she lives, here's what she's doing. Zero preamble, just action.
Alright, so. I'm assuming most people at least know this fic by reputation, which is the only way I know it. As with every other fic I've reviewed, I'm going into this one more or less blind. The only thing I really know about it is that apparently it is Fallout: Equestria amped up to eleven: more blood, more cum, more edge, more insanity. And, last but probably far from least: more words.
Yes, that's right, you heard right. This story clocks in at an impressive 1,780,334 words. To put this in perspective, the original Fallout: Equestria by kkat, which is literally longer than War and Peace, clocks in at a mere 620,295 words. To put it in even more perspective, In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust, which as far as I'm aware is still officially the longest novel ever written, is only 1,267,069 words long.
There are 77 chapters in total, with multiple chapters exceeding 30,000 words and most chapters averaging somewhere in the 20,000 range. This is by far the longest thing I've ever attempted to tackle, and I honestly can't promise I will actually finish it. However, I intend to give it the ol' college try. And, much like Captain Ahab pursuing his white whale in a famous story penned by literary limpdick Herman Melville, who only managed to squeeze out a pathetic 206,052 words; hardly a match for a virile stallion like Somber, I will do everything in my power to drag all of you sad sacks down into the watery abyss with me, as I pursue this mad and probably hopeless quest.
I will see you on the other side, gentlemen. May God have mercy on our souls.
Chapter 1: Inception
>Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons
>By Somber
>Chapter 1: Inception
Well, this is off to a great start. Protip: no matter how your story is formatted and/or published, the odds are good that the title and author will be made apparent to whoever is reading it. You don't need to include this information in the text itself. Viewing this on fimfic, we can just scroll up a little and see what the book is called and who wrote it. To get the chapter title, we don't even have to do that much; it's literally written on the line directly above where the text begins. Perhaps Somber thought his chapter title was just so amazing that the reader would want to read it again immediately after having read it the first time. Snark aside, I understand that this text wasn't originally published on FimFiction, and the author probably just copypasted it directly from a google doc. However, would it have killed him to put a little effort into formatting?
Anyway, what the fuck. Here's the actual opening line for the story:
>“Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria…”
Well, at least he's not starting us off with a cliche.
And speaking of, here's the next line:
>War. War never changes.
Well, in Somber's defense, I'm pretty sure anyone writing a Fallout Equestria story is contractually obligated to include both of those lines somewhere in the text. At least he got them out of the way early on.
Incidentally, this well-worn Fallout trope is a bit misleading. War actually changes quite a bit; in fact I'd say it changes almost constantly. as an aside, I've actually been doing a bit of research on the Fallout series since I last delved into one of these. I even played a bit of the first game.
Anyway, what the fuck. Instead of nitpicking every single sentence, I should probably take a look at these statements in context. Here is the actual opening paragraph:
>War. War never changes. It had consumed our home, a war fought by foreign aggressors until great and terrible magics had been unleashed to burn all the world to ash and dust. Only our constant devotion to the Princesses had carried us through that terrible war, just as our unwavering faith in the Overmare maintained our continued survival within the earth. Trust in the Overmare; obey the Overmare.
As opening paragraphs go, this one probably works well enough. It reads like a cutscene intro from a Fallout game, and sets the tone for the rest of the story. However, the transition to the next paragraph is a bit jarring:
>The grating buzz of my alarm yanked me away from sleep. I stuck my left foreleg out from under the blankets, away from my head, felt around for the end table next to the bed, found it, and proceeded to whack my PipBuck against the tabletop until the right button was hit and the noise stopped.
Written this way, the intro paragraph reads like it's supposed to be part of the narration. So, in other words, the story so far goes like this: our protagonist mare is lying in bed, narrating the backstory of the world she lives in to herself for some reason, when suddenly her alarm goes off.
Anyway, what the fuck. Our protagonist, whose name is Blackjack, is awakened by her alarm clock one morning. We learn immediately that she lives in a place called Stable 99, and that life here is highly regimented.
>I had half an hour to wash, half an hour to eat, and an hour to report to my duty station. The same as it had been every day since I’d gotten my cutie mark.
Honestly, for a militarized dystopian hellhole, two hours to get ready in the morning is pretty generous.
Anyway, she rummages around, gets dressed, and heads down to the showers. On the way, she passes some murals that give us some insight into the setting:
>‘We are all the Overmare’s foals’ declared the caption of one picture of an abstract white unicorn hugging dozens of tiny ponies in her hooves. Another showed one lone weeping mare under the caption ‘Selfishness Separates’.
In all fairness, I will actually give this author some credit. So far, this story has a much stronger opening than the original FoE did. Kkat's story opened with a long infodump about PipBucks that had my eyes glazing over by the second paragraph. This one gets right to the point: here's our character, here's where she lives, here's what she's doing. Zero preamble, just action.
File (): 8BB127F86607A542E7127F9A9125D771-1495165.gif (1.4 MB, 528x472, Glim Glam - celebrating.gif)
Welcome back.
File (): 7A97E2A47119F3EF731F22B760502162-2406295.png (2.3 MB, 1336x1768, 6913436.png)
>>373099
>I trotted into the sector’s communal bathroom, and immediately my ears perked to a familiar giggling. Walking past a stall, I glanced in at two mares employing unauthorized and probably ineffective washing techniques. According to the training manual, behavior like that in public spaces was punishable by whipping and restriction to C class rations, so it was pretty understandable that the pair looked up with some trepidation when they spotted me.
>“Oh, it’s just Blackjack,” the dappled mare, Pastels, said in relief before flushing and snapping at her partner, “I swear, you are trying to get us flogged!”
>“Fun,” giggled the white mare, Misty Hooves from the bakery, nuzzling her. Misty was a chronic offender. I didn’t know if she liked the kiss of the whip or if there was something else wrong with her. Or both.
Somber once again shows us that he ain't fuckin' around with infodumps or angsty monologues or anything like that. He just dives head-first into the gratuitous lesbian horse sex, and damn the consequences. This ain't your grandfather's Fallout Equestria; nosiree.
>“You won’t think so if it’s Daisy doing the flogging,” I commented, and instantly their smiles disappeared. I couldn’t blame them. With the constant duty and honor bullshit, a little flank spank was one of the few reliable means of recreation, and a lot of the security mares got really... enthusiastic about it. I stepped under the spray and immediately jerked. “Cold!”
So far, this is reading like a cross between a cheesy sci-fi dystopia from the 80s and softcore Cinemax porn from the 90s. It's way too early to be making statements about overall quality, but I will once again remark that so far this reads a lot more easily than kkat's story. Somber seems to have a much better grasp on the "show, don't tell" concept, and while the setting is the same cornball edgy dystopia, this one doesn't seem to take itself or its setting anywhere near as seriously as the first one did.
Anyway, at this point we do get a bit of an infodump. We are told that Stable 99 is the last bastion of life, and everything outside is a radioactive wasteland. To venture outside the stable is instant death. Inside, the stable's population is strictly maintained at 500 ponies, each of whom has an assigned job. Each pony is required to produce one child to take over their job when they die. Ponies in Stable 99 seem to live in constant fear of "another incident." It's not clear exactly what this means, but we are given a general idea: something breaks down, and a lot of ponies die horribly. There seems to be a general assumption that the world outside is uninhabitable, and if any of their life support systems go down in here, it's all ogre.
>“Fuck! Don’t think about it…” I said, trying again to shove it from my mind. That was made ridiculously easy by Midnight trotting past me towards the atrium. Instantly, my ruby eyes popped wide at her cute flank and graceful tail. Black on black and oh she needed to be mine!
Another dyke protagonist, eh? Oh, joy.
>“Hey! Midnight! Midnight! Hey! Hey! Wait up!” I shouted as I tripped and raced to catch up with her. Of course, she didn’t wait; she never did. Instead, she picked up her pace. “Damn it, Midnight! No running in the halls!” I shouted as I ran after her. What? I was security! I was allowed to break the rules when pursuing a fine flank!
So Midnight is this story's Velvet Remedy? Oh, joy.
Anyway, Blackjack goes trotting after some hot pone-tang, and is immediately apprehended by two other security mares, Daisy (mentioned earlier) and Marmalade. Daisy is described as being abnormally large, and earlier we were given the impression that she is physically intimidating.
>All security unicorns were supposed to know a selection of spells for policing the stable. Me… I had telekinesis… and telekinesis… and oh! Did I mention telekinesis? I couldn’t cuff or stun or do interrogation spells to save my life; all the practice I’d put in merely gave me a migraine.
Another unicorn who can only do the basic telekinesis spell? Oh, joy. I hope this author at least has the sense to put some reasonable limits on his tragically underpowered protagonist's tragically overpowered spell. Because if I have to watch another sanctimonious pipsqueak wander around the wasteland hucking boxcars at alicorns for another half million words, I might actually kill someone. Somepony. Whatever.
>The huge atrium was the heart and soul of pony life in 99. Almost half the stable could fit in the room for large events, more if everypony was really friendly. Huge support pillars had been sculpted in a parody of tree trunks, and the support beams had been fashioned to resemble branches. That was about the extent of trying to make 99 look like something outside.
As with the first Fallout Equestria, it's not clear how much this character ought to know about the world she lives in. The author actually hasn't nailed down the timeframe this story takes place in, but it's been explicitly mentioned that both Blackjack's mother and grandmother had held the same job she was, and there is an implication that her lineage goes back even further than this. In any case, she's clearly spent her entire life inside this stable. Does she know what a tree is? Does she know what the outside looks liked? Or looked like? Again, it would be helpful if we had some clue exactly how much knowledge of the old world was preserved in these Stables, and exactly how much of that knowledge would logically be passed down to the average Stable-dweller. This problem created huge logic issues in the original FoE; it will be interesting to see how this author handles it.
Anyway, what the fuck. Blackjack goes down to the Atrium. Apparently she still has hoofcuffs on, because Marmalade and Daisy put a pair of hoofcuffs on her and then jokingly refused to take them off. What a couple of merry pranksters; it's nice to see that ponies still like to have fun around here.
>I trotted into the sector’s communal bathroom, and immediately my ears perked to a familiar giggling. Walking past a stall, I glanced in at two mares employing unauthorized and probably ineffective washing techniques. According to the training manual, behavior like that in public spaces was punishable by whipping and restriction to C class rations, so it was pretty understandable that the pair looked up with some trepidation when they spotted me.
>“Oh, it’s just Blackjack,” the dappled mare, Pastels, said in relief before flushing and snapping at her partner, “I swear, you are trying to get us flogged!”
>“Fun,” giggled the white mare, Misty Hooves from the bakery, nuzzling her. Misty was a chronic offender. I didn’t know if she liked the kiss of the whip or if there was something else wrong with her. Or both.
Somber once again shows us that he ain't fuckin' around with infodumps or angsty monologues or anything like that. He just dives head-first into the gratuitous lesbian horse sex, and damn the consequences. This ain't your grandfather's Fallout Equestria; nosiree.
>“You won’t think so if it’s Daisy doing the flogging,” I commented, and instantly their smiles disappeared. I couldn’t blame them. With the constant duty and honor bullshit, a little flank spank was one of the few reliable means of recreation, and a lot of the security mares got really... enthusiastic about it. I stepped under the spray and immediately jerked. “Cold!”
So far, this is reading like a cross between a cheesy sci-fi dystopia from the 80s and softcore Cinemax porn from the 90s. It's way too early to be making statements about overall quality, but I will once again remark that so far this reads a lot more easily than kkat's story. Somber seems to have a much better grasp on the "show, don't tell" concept, and while the setting is the same cornball edgy dystopia, this one doesn't seem to take itself or its setting anywhere near as seriously as the first one did.
Anyway, at this point we do get a bit of an infodump. We are told that Stable 99 is the last bastion of life, and everything outside is a radioactive wasteland. To venture outside the stable is instant death. Inside, the stable's population is strictly maintained at 500 ponies, each of whom has an assigned job. Each pony is required to produce one child to take over their job when they die. Ponies in Stable 99 seem to live in constant fear of "another incident." It's not clear exactly what this means, but we are given a general idea: something breaks down, and a lot of ponies die horribly. There seems to be a general assumption that the world outside is uninhabitable, and if any of their life support systems go down in here, it's all ogre.
>“Fuck! Don’t think about it…” I said, trying again to shove it from my mind. That was made ridiculously easy by Midnight trotting past me towards the atrium. Instantly, my ruby eyes popped wide at her cute flank and graceful tail. Black on black and oh she needed to be mine!
Another dyke protagonist, eh? Oh, joy.
>“Hey! Midnight! Midnight! Hey! Hey! Wait up!” I shouted as I tripped and raced to catch up with her. Of course, she didn’t wait; she never did. Instead, she picked up her pace. “Damn it, Midnight! No running in the halls!” I shouted as I ran after her. What? I was security! I was allowed to break the rules when pursuing a fine flank!
So Midnight is this story's Velvet Remedy? Oh, joy.
Anyway, Blackjack goes trotting after some hot pone-tang, and is immediately apprehended by two other security mares, Daisy (mentioned earlier) and Marmalade. Daisy is described as being abnormally large, and earlier we were given the impression that she is physically intimidating.
>All security unicorns were supposed to know a selection of spells for policing the stable. Me… I had telekinesis… and telekinesis… and oh! Did I mention telekinesis? I couldn’t cuff or stun or do interrogation spells to save my life; all the practice I’d put in merely gave me a migraine.
Another unicorn who can only do the basic telekinesis spell? Oh, joy. I hope this author at least has the sense to put some reasonable limits on his tragically underpowered protagonist's tragically overpowered spell. Because if I have to watch another sanctimonious pipsqueak wander around the wasteland hucking boxcars at alicorns for another half million words, I might actually kill someone. Somepony. Whatever.
>The huge atrium was the heart and soul of pony life in 99. Almost half the stable could fit in the room for large events, more if everypony was really friendly. Huge support pillars had been sculpted in a parody of tree trunks, and the support beams had been fashioned to resemble branches. That was about the extent of trying to make 99 look like something outside.
As with the first Fallout Equestria, it's not clear how much this character ought to know about the world she lives in. The author actually hasn't nailed down the timeframe this story takes place in, but it's been explicitly mentioned that both Blackjack's mother and grandmother had held the same job she was, and there is an implication that her lineage goes back even further than this. In any case, she's clearly spent her entire life inside this stable. Does she know what a tree is? Does she know what the outside looks liked? Or looked like? Again, it would be helpful if we had some clue exactly how much knowledge of the old world was preserved in these Stables, and exactly how much of that knowledge would logically be passed down to the average Stable-dweller. This problem created huge logic issues in the original FoE; it will be interesting to see how this author handles it.
Anyway, what the fuck. Blackjack goes down to the Atrium. Apparently she still has hoofcuffs on, because Marmalade and Daisy put a pair of hoofcuffs on her and then jokingly refused to take them off. What a couple of merry pranksters; it's nice to see that ponies still like to have fun around here.
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>>373142
>I passed the cafeteria where ponies loaded bowls with green recycled algae slime, scooped recycled fungus cubes onto trays, collected synthetic recycled carrot sticks and apple flakes into bowls, or heaped up stacks of green recycled grass chips, brown recycled hay chips, and white recycled cake chips upon their plates. All the food in 99 was recycled into more food. All the waste in 99 was recycled. We were recycled. And yes, even having lived here my entire life, I still found it easier to pretend that the machines just magically made the food poof into being. Still, despite being made out of recycled poo water, the chips were pretty tasty!
I'm told the Indians had a saying: when the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. In all seriousness, though, it's nice to see the author putting some thought into this stuff. I don't think kkat ever addressed how food in the Stables worked, and as I recall most of what the wasteland ponies ate was just prewar canned goods, which for some reason they still had in abundance more than 200 years after the megaspells.
Anyway, Blackjack still has the hoofcuffs on, so she goes to the table where Midnight is sitting. As luck would have it, Midnight is a PipBuck technician, which means she probably knows something about getting cuffs off. A couple of other ponies are there, by the name of Rivets and Textbook; not sure if they will be important characters or not.
It's clear enough that Blackjack whose name I just realized can be shortened to BJ has been after Midnight's no-no parts for awhile now, and it's equally clear that it's a one-sided crush. The author is probably using the original story as a jumping off point, so it's not surprising that there would be a couple of parallels. The obvious parallel here is that kkat's protagonist, Littlepip, had a one-sided crush on Velvet Remedy. However, LP spent most of the early story pining away silently after Velvet, whereas BJ seems to prefer a more direct approach.
>“Which means you’re intelligent. Skilled! That you possess far more competence than a lowly security pony like myself!” I said as she hesitated. I almost had her convinced! “I’ll pay you in oral sex!” I blurted. Textbook turned the shade of a spoiled apple, and Rivets covered half her face as she chuckled.
I was beginning to worry that there wouldn't be any cringey sex humor in this story, but it looks like I can put that fear to rest.
Anyway, BJ makes an ass of herself in front of her would-be lady friend, said lady friend wanders off in disgust, one of the ancillary characters makes a perfunctory "that went well" kind of joke, and the laugh track rolls.
>“I had no idea. I didn’t think you were into mares,” Rivets said with a smile, munching on her grass chips.
Really? I don't get the impression that subtlety is Blackjack's strong suit. Plus, she was very publicly chasing Midnight down the hallway just a few minutes ago, and from Midnight's response it's clear she does this sort of thing quite often.
Anyway, BJ and Rivets talk shop for a bit, and we learn a bit more about how things work around here. This stable is...strange. Jobs are hereditary: if one pony is a maintenance technician, that means her daughter will be a maintenance technician, no arguments allowed. Also, due to the strict population controls, if an adult pony dies, their child must immediately step in and take over their job.
I can understand the reasoning behind this arrangement in theory, but in practice this means that ponies are often thrust into jobs that they are not even remotely qualified to do. Specifically, it seems like the current Overmare is actually a young filly (I'm assuming something like picrel), because her mother was the Overmare, and presumably she died at some point. We also learn that a young filly is going to be taking over her mother's job in maintenance the following day due to that mare's untimely death. All in all, it seems like this stable's social structure is more than a little screwy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13oK9HMEtv8
Anyway, they banter a little more, and then Rivets takes her leave. The scene ends in a page break.
We rejoin Blackjack in the security team's briefing room, because apparently BJ's job is security. She still has the fucking cuffs on.
>Daisy and Marmalade snickered as I limped in, and I gave the rest of the security mares a sheepish grin and a shrug before taking my seat. Gin Rummy just sighed and looked at me with a slow, disappointed shake of her head. Still, wasn’t much she could do.
The hoofcuffs gag is funny, but it's getting a little illogical at this point. Are we seriously supposed to believe that in an entire room full of security ponies, not a single one, including this new character Gin Rummy, who is apparently head of security, knows how to take these stupid things off? Between the wacky job assignments and the Paul-Blart-tier security personnel they clearly employ, I'm impressed this stable has managed to survive for as long as it has.
Anyway, there's a fairly important-looking infodump that I should probably just drop in verbatim:
>Everypony in Stable 99 had a job assigned to them from birth. Maintenance ponies maintained, security ponies secured, and baker ponies baked. The forty or so males in Stable 99 were no different: they were breeding equipment. From birth, they had their segregated quarters in medical and were signed out by mares for reproductive purposes and, more frequently, recreational. There were twenty unicorns and twenty earth ponies on the breeding rotation. Once a male reached… how old was it? Twelve? Fifteen? -- they were put into breeding. Of course, to keep the number in rotation the same, that meant that a male had to be taken out of breeding and retired.
I'm assuming "retired" is a euphemism for "killed." I'm getting sort of a "Logan's Run" vibe from this place.
Anyway, the leadup to this is that a male seems to have escaped when it was his time to be retired.
>I passed the cafeteria where ponies loaded bowls with green recycled algae slime, scooped recycled fungus cubes onto trays, collected synthetic recycled carrot sticks and apple flakes into bowls, or heaped up stacks of green recycled grass chips, brown recycled hay chips, and white recycled cake chips upon their plates. All the food in 99 was recycled into more food. All the waste in 99 was recycled. We were recycled. And yes, even having lived here my entire life, I still found it easier to pretend that the machines just magically made the food poof into being. Still, despite being made out of recycled poo water, the chips were pretty tasty!
I'm told the Indians had a saying: when the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. In all seriousness, though, it's nice to see the author putting some thought into this stuff. I don't think kkat ever addressed how food in the Stables worked, and as I recall most of what the wasteland ponies ate was just prewar canned goods, which for some reason they still had in abundance more than 200 years after the megaspells.
Anyway, Blackjack still has the hoofcuffs on, so she goes to the table where Midnight is sitting. As luck would have it, Midnight is a PipBuck technician, which means she probably knows something about getting cuffs off. A couple of other ponies are there, by the name of Rivets and Textbook; not sure if they will be important characters or not.
It's clear enough that Blackjack whose name I just realized can be shortened to BJ has been after Midnight's no-no parts for awhile now, and it's equally clear that it's a one-sided crush. The author is probably using the original story as a jumping off point, so it's not surprising that there would be a couple of parallels. The obvious parallel here is that kkat's protagonist, Littlepip, had a one-sided crush on Velvet Remedy. However, LP spent most of the early story pining away silently after Velvet, whereas BJ seems to prefer a more direct approach.
>“Which means you’re intelligent. Skilled! That you possess far more competence than a lowly security pony like myself!” I said as she hesitated. I almost had her convinced! “I’ll pay you in oral sex!” I blurted. Textbook turned the shade of a spoiled apple, and Rivets covered half her face as she chuckled.
I was beginning to worry that there wouldn't be any cringey sex humor in this story, but it looks like I can put that fear to rest.
Anyway, BJ makes an ass of herself in front of her would-be lady friend, said lady friend wanders off in disgust, one of the ancillary characters makes a perfunctory "that went well" kind of joke, and the laugh track rolls.
>“I had no idea. I didn’t think you were into mares,” Rivets said with a smile, munching on her grass chips.
Really? I don't get the impression that subtlety is Blackjack's strong suit. Plus, she was very publicly chasing Midnight down the hallway just a few minutes ago, and from Midnight's response it's clear she does this sort of thing quite often.
Anyway, BJ and Rivets talk shop for a bit, and we learn a bit more about how things work around here. This stable is...strange. Jobs are hereditary: if one pony is a maintenance technician, that means her daughter will be a maintenance technician, no arguments allowed. Also, due to the strict population controls, if an adult pony dies, their child must immediately step in and take over their job.
I can understand the reasoning behind this arrangement in theory, but in practice this means that ponies are often thrust into jobs that they are not even remotely qualified to do. Specifically, it seems like the current Overmare is actually a young filly (I'm assuming something like picrel), because her mother was the Overmare, and presumably she died at some point. We also learn that a young filly is going to be taking over her mother's job in maintenance the following day due to that mare's untimely death. All in all, it seems like this stable's social structure is more than a little screwy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13oK9HMEtv8
Anyway, they banter a little more, and then Rivets takes her leave. The scene ends in a page break.
We rejoin Blackjack in the security team's briefing room, because apparently BJ's job is security. She still has the fucking cuffs on.
>Daisy and Marmalade snickered as I limped in, and I gave the rest of the security mares a sheepish grin and a shrug before taking my seat. Gin Rummy just sighed and looked at me with a slow, disappointed shake of her head. Still, wasn’t much she could do.
The hoofcuffs gag is funny, but it's getting a little illogical at this point. Are we seriously supposed to believe that in an entire room full of security ponies, not a single one, including this new character Gin Rummy, who is apparently head of security, knows how to take these stupid things off? Between the wacky job assignments and the Paul-Blart-tier security personnel they clearly employ, I'm impressed this stable has managed to survive for as long as it has.
Anyway, there's a fairly important-looking infodump that I should probably just drop in verbatim:
>Everypony in Stable 99 had a job assigned to them from birth. Maintenance ponies maintained, security ponies secured, and baker ponies baked. The forty or so males in Stable 99 were no different: they were breeding equipment. From birth, they had their segregated quarters in medical and were signed out by mares for reproductive purposes and, more frequently, recreational. There were twenty unicorns and twenty earth ponies on the breeding rotation. Once a male reached… how old was it? Twelve? Fifteen? -- they were put into breeding. Of course, to keep the number in rotation the same, that meant that a male had to be taken out of breeding and retired.
I'm assuming "retired" is a euphemism for "killed." I'm getting sort of a "Logan's Run" vibe from this place.
Anyway, the leadup to this is that a male seems to have escaped when it was his time to be retired.
I've been looking forward to you doing another review. I can't promise to provide much commentary, but you can be certain I'll be reading along and cheering you on as you take on the herculean effort of slogging thorough this work.
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Post your best!
42 replies and 116 files omitted.
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>>372940
yep, generally used as an illustration on twitter. turns out mspaint classic is the best tool for this job.
yep, generally used as an illustration on twitter. turns out mspaint classic is the best tool for this job.
Was watching S1E10 and saw an opportunity to make a caption meme
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Made these images too
>>373170
I have to say... the 1st one is not right-wing style and not funny, I doubt any anon watches comedy. The 2nd is too complicated to follow as it mixes races not even present in Europe, I mean, the brain has to expended additional CPU cycles to understand what it is the meaning of the meme and that effort nullifies any funny content.
I have to say... the 1st one is not right-wing style and not funny, I doubt any anon watches comedy. The 2nd is too complicated to follow as it mixes races not even present in Europe, I mean, the brain has to expended additional CPU cycles to understand what it is the meaning of the meme and that effort nullifies any funny content.
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File (): 73C560F1BB903E41B9FA462290E4893E-53301436.mp4 (50.8 MB, Resolution:1280x720 Length:00:03:22, MLP FIM Pinkie Pie Smile Song Acapella HD.mp4) [play once] [loop]
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>>373171
>I am totally an super expert on the societies of image boards and political leanings and legalism. You must never have any humor it may do thing I don't want to you.
Humor is funny due to high concentrations of Sidesaccelerant, arguably the most effective anti-blackpill media that humans can digest. Its the same substance that gives adult horse fuckers their politics, because the horse pussy they eat is rich in it. Look it up. Also, yes humor is really good for you and you can eat lots of it.
>I am totally an super expert on the societies of image boards and political leanings and legalism. You must never have any humor it may do thing I don't want to you.
Humor is funny due to high concentrations of Sidesaccelerant, arguably the most effective anti-blackpill media that humans can digest. Its the same substance that gives adult horse fuckers their politics, because the horse pussy they eat is rich in it. Look it up. Also, yes humor is really good for you and you can eat lots of it.
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Pinkie Pie and her pink pony pussy has incredibly high amounts of concentrated humor. Since her laughter is also stored in the snowpity, despite what some so called experts may claim. The PPPPP could fill one standard size clown car per serving. As hores pussy is a complete complex psychoactive nutrient it only makes sense why any Anon can eat five dozen eggs. Even as decor is positively micro-gasm efficent. One pillow talk and what would have been a hard trip and hernia is a great discovery.
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Thread number three. Last one is apparently at bump limit.
Previous thread: >>336928 →
I'm lazy so I'm just going to copypaste the OP text from the last one since it still applies. Important bits have been bolded for emphasis.
Basically all that is said in that OP applies to this one but I'll go through the 'rules' of this thread here as well.
So, the main point of this thread is to facilitate and enable Anons' writefagging; in a similar way pride facilitates and enables aids.;^P The Anons in this thread can be separated into two camps: Anons who wants help with their writing project(s) and Anons that feel inclined to help those aforementioned shrek-colored skinheads.
Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.
This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.
Read this again, because it's important:
This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.
I hope that I haven't scared anybody off. This is still suppose to be a chill af thread. Funposting is very much allowed and encouraged. It really is more that some type of posting —like, things that are completely irrelevant to the thread— does not belong here. I know, rocket-science and a rule that is seldom seen and highly unique for this thread. Perhaps you could call it a... Novelty. (You) intelligent lurker, obviously get the subtext of this OP so you probably won't need to worry about any of this. I'd say if you're unsure if what you're about to post belongs in the thread, then post it anyway. The worst that can happen is that someone tells you to move it to another thread and you get a better insight of what post belongs in thread. If you consist on fish and chips, however, I'd suggest you think twice on what you're posting and perhaps even ask beforehand if your rant about lefties and Undertale belongs here.
If there are any questions on the OP, ask away?
Previous thread: >>336928 →
I'm lazy so I'm just going to copypaste the OP text from the last one since it still applies. Important bits have been bolded for emphasis.
Basically all that is said in that OP applies to this one but I'll go through the 'rules' of this thread here as well.
So, the main point of this thread is to facilitate and enable Anons' writefagging; in a similar way pride facilitates and enables aids.;^P The Anons in this thread can be separated into two camps: Anons who wants help with their writing project(s) and Anons that feel inclined to help those aforementioned shrek-colored skinheads.
Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.
This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.
Read this again, because it's important:
This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.
I hope that I haven't scared anybody off. This is still suppose to be a chill af thread. Funposting is very much allowed and encouraged. It really is more that some type of posting —like, things that are completely irrelevant to the thread— does not belong here. I know, rocket-science and a rule that is seldom seen and highly unique for this thread. Perhaps you could call it a... Novelty. (You) intelligent lurker, obviously get the subtext of this OP so you probably won't need to worry about any of this. I'd say if you're unsure if what you're about to post belongs in the thread, then post it anyway. The worst that can happen is that someone tells you to move it to another thread and you get a better insight of what post belongs in thread. If you consist on fish and chips, however, I'd suggest you think twice on what you're posting and perhaps even ask beforehand if your rant about lefties and Undertale belongs here.
If there are any questions on the OP, ask away?
391 replies and 221 files omitted.
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>>371941
Overall pretty good. There are still some ESL and spelling issues here and there but your English is improving. I can also see what you were getting at in your previous post, trying to focus on just raw description of what's happening in a scene without a lot of added fluff, and I think you were mostly successful. I don't have any difficulty following what's going on in the scene or visualizing the action. The only notable exception is this:
>Junko could feel herself getting angry despite herself. She had felt for a while now that she'd figured out the optimal emotional state to be in a fight. To her, it was inbetween angry and disintrested, which she refered to as focus. If she wasn't a bit angry, she felt she couldn't bring down her fist of justice upon the evil ghouls but if she only saw red, then she'd make mistakes due to... well not thinking. It just bothered her so that this tiny ghoul felt so confident in her presence. It felt amiss and made her feel uneasy, like she missed something vital. Like she was walking into a trap but that feeling hurt her pride. That someone so small could hurt her.
There are two problems here. First is that it's a bit wordy. This feels like you're sliding back into that overly-verbose, confusing descriptive style you said you were trying to move away from. Second is that everything here is basically a description of the character's emotions. This is likely why it ends up getting muddy and overly-descriptive: complex emotional states are difficult to put into words. This is one of those "show, don't tell" situations. Instead of describing what the character is feeling, try to show us how they are feeling through their actions. The basic thrust of this text is that Junko usually tries to maintain her composure during a fight, but Madoka's taunting is getting her riled up and she is starting to make mistakes. So come up with some action that conveys this. Maybe Junko grunts or growls, or she throws a reckless punch and misses, that sort of thing.
Here are some other things I noticed:
>a "come at me bruh" kind of gesture.
>went along with the bantz
Outside of greentext writing, you really want to avoid casual, shitposty language like this in your narration. The only exception would be if the story is narrated in first person and the narrator uses this kind of language in everyday conversation. It goes back to what I was saying about narrative voice: if a character is narrating, you want the tone of your narration to feel like that person's natural speaking voice. However, if there is no narrator and you're just describing action in the third person, you want the tone to be as neutral and utilitarian as possible. In the case of Madoka's gesture, it would be more helpful to just describe the movement she's actually making, instead of relying on the reader's presumed understanding of a colloquialism.
>she flunged herself
Usually, adding 'ed' to the end of a verb will make it past-tense. However, "flung" is already the past-tense of "fling," so you don't need to add the 'ed'. For some reason, "flinged" is also incorrect, even though it logically ought to work. English is a very stupid language sometimes.
>A small amount of surprise showed itself on Junko's face.
This phrasing is awkward. It would be easier to just say "Junko was surprised" or something to that effect. There are degrees of being surprised, but surprise itself can't really be quantified, thus you can't really have a small amount of surprise show itself.
> She kinda just thought the situation was humours
Unless she's a medieval doctor, the situation should be "humorous." Also, it should be "kind of," not "kinda," see my above statement on using casual language in narration.
>She swung it with all her might and it looked like she went from a reverse 'c' to a normal 'c'.
I think I basically understand what's happening here, but it's still an awkward way to describe it.
>knocked the air out of her lunges
Unless Madoka is doing aerobics, the air should be knocked out of her "lungs."
--------
>Do you understand what is going on in the scene, except for contextual details like who Madoka is and such?
Generally, yes; except for what I pointed out this is well written and easy to follow. The nice thing about action sequences is they don't really require much context. You can drop the reader into a fight scene with absolutely no lead-in whatsoever and they can still follow what's happening, even if they aren't familiar with the characters or don't know why they're fighting.
The only issue I have with this structurally is that it isn't clear how these two scenes connect to each other. I'm not sure if this whole thing is meant to be read as one piece, but based on what's here the two scenes feel disjointed. It reads like this:
>two characters are fighting
>we're not sure why
>page break
>now two completely different characters are fighting
>we don't know why these two are fighting either
Theoretically you could make an entire story like this, where it's just a collection of scenes in which anime girls beat the shit out of each other round-robin style for reasons that are never explained. It might even be kind of fun to read. However, without some overarching narrative connecting it all together, it wouldn't be much of a story.
As an aside, these names sound kind of familiar. From "Madoka" I'm assuming these characters are from Madoka Magica. I saw it a long time ago, but I don't remember who the other characters are or what the show was about exactly. All I remember is that I thought I was sitting down to watch a cutesy magical-girl show, but it turned out to be really surreal and fucked-up.
Overall pretty good. There are still some ESL and spelling issues here and there but your English is improving. I can also see what you were getting at in your previous post, trying to focus on just raw description of what's happening in a scene without a lot of added fluff, and I think you were mostly successful. I don't have any difficulty following what's going on in the scene or visualizing the action. The only notable exception is this:
>Junko could feel herself getting angry despite herself. She had felt for a while now that she'd figured out the optimal emotional state to be in a fight. To her, it was inbetween angry and disintrested, which she refered to as focus. If she wasn't a bit angry, she felt she couldn't bring down her fist of justice upon the evil ghouls but if she only saw red, then she'd make mistakes due to... well not thinking. It just bothered her so that this tiny ghoul felt so confident in her presence. It felt amiss and made her feel uneasy, like she missed something vital. Like she was walking into a trap but that feeling hurt her pride. That someone so small could hurt her.
There are two problems here. First is that it's a bit wordy. This feels like you're sliding back into that overly-verbose, confusing descriptive style you said you were trying to move away from. Second is that everything here is basically a description of the character's emotions. This is likely why it ends up getting muddy and overly-descriptive: complex emotional states are difficult to put into words. This is one of those "show, don't tell" situations. Instead of describing what the character is feeling, try to show us how they are feeling through their actions. The basic thrust of this text is that Junko usually tries to maintain her composure during a fight, but Madoka's taunting is getting her riled up and she is starting to make mistakes. So come up with some action that conveys this. Maybe Junko grunts or growls, or she throws a reckless punch and misses, that sort of thing.
Here are some other things I noticed:
>a "come at me bruh" kind of gesture.
>went along with the bantz
Outside of greentext writing, you really want to avoid casual, shitposty language like this in your narration. The only exception would be if the story is narrated in first person and the narrator uses this kind of language in everyday conversation. It goes back to what I was saying about narrative voice: if a character is narrating, you want the tone of your narration to feel like that person's natural speaking voice. However, if there is no narrator and you're just describing action in the third person, you want the tone to be as neutral and utilitarian as possible. In the case of Madoka's gesture, it would be more helpful to just describe the movement she's actually making, instead of relying on the reader's presumed understanding of a colloquialism.
>she flunged herself
Usually, adding 'ed' to the end of a verb will make it past-tense. However, "flung" is already the past-tense of "fling," so you don't need to add the 'ed'. For some reason, "flinged" is also incorrect, even though it logically ought to work. English is a very stupid language sometimes.
>A small amount of surprise showed itself on Junko's face.
This phrasing is awkward. It would be easier to just say "Junko was surprised" or something to that effect. There are degrees of being surprised, but surprise itself can't really be quantified, thus you can't really have a small amount of surprise show itself.
> She kinda just thought the situation was humours
Unless she's a medieval doctor, the situation should be "humorous." Also, it should be "kind of," not "kinda," see my above statement on using casual language in narration.
>She swung it with all her might and it looked like she went from a reverse 'c' to a normal 'c'.
I think I basically understand what's happening here, but it's still an awkward way to describe it.
>knocked the air out of her lunges
Unless Madoka is doing aerobics, the air should be knocked out of her "lungs."
--------
>Do you understand what is going on in the scene, except for contextual details like who Madoka is and such?
Generally, yes; except for what I pointed out this is well written and easy to follow. The nice thing about action sequences is they don't really require much context. You can drop the reader into a fight scene with absolutely no lead-in whatsoever and they can still follow what's happening, even if they aren't familiar with the characters or don't know why they're fighting.
The only issue I have with this structurally is that it isn't clear how these two scenes connect to each other. I'm not sure if this whole thing is meant to be read as one piece, but based on what's here the two scenes feel disjointed. It reads like this:
>two characters are fighting
>we're not sure why
>page break
>now two completely different characters are fighting
>we don't know why these two are fighting either
Theoretically you could make an entire story like this, where it's just a collection of scenes in which anime girls beat the shit out of each other round-robin style for reasons that are never explained. It might even be kind of fun to read. However, without some overarching narrative connecting it all together, it wouldn't be much of a story.
As an aside, these names sound kind of familiar. From "Madoka" I'm assuming these characters are from Madoka Magica. I saw it a long time ago, but I don't remember who the other characters are or what the show was about exactly. All I remember is that I thought I was sitting down to watch a cutesy magical-girl show, but it turned out to be really surreal and fucked-up.
File (): CCE41D168F34809765D300D6E91312E4-82498.pdf (80.6 KB, , crashvsdbz.pdf)
File (): 44CC1C6BCCD04D3A3311803E63BBC9C0-41459.pdf (40.5 KB, , part2.pdf)
Have some fic. I had fun writing it.
One character's name is familiar, but she is not the horse.
One character's name is familiar, but she is not the horse.
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>>371840
Hey! Glad you still remember my fic. Even if you remember it for those reasons. *insert an ungodly amount of elypses*
>That said, I wouldn't say that writing should be entirely discounted. Even if you have a great story with great characters and you can see every scene clearly inside your head, if you can't communicate it to people in language they can understand, you'll never be able to make the audience see what you see.
I'm starting to think execution is what truly makes the artist.
You don't actually need to be talented or skilled in order to put together a masterpiece in your head. With some luck and enough time, anyone can have a good idea eventually. Even a bunch of good ideas.
Anyone, even an autistic Vtuber fag, or a vitriolic Honkai player. It's easy enough, probable enough for the lazy to cling on.
But only a very small fraction of those people, actually put the work into making their vision a reality.
A much smaller fraction, actually see it through. And even then, only a miniscule percentage actually do it right.
Execution does override intent. And no amount of daydreaming about ebin stories is going to make you an artist. There's so much more about it besides having a vision. If you can't even express that "vision" by yourself, you're no artist.
Hey! Glad you still remember my fic. Even if you remember it for those reasons. *insert an ungodly amount of elypses*
>That said, I wouldn't say that writing should be entirely discounted. Even if you have a great story with great characters and you can see every scene clearly inside your head, if you can't communicate it to people in language they can understand, you'll never be able to make the audience see what you see.
I'm starting to think execution is what truly makes the artist.
You don't actually need to be talented or skilled in order to put together a masterpiece in your head. With some luck and enough time, anyone can have a good idea eventually. Even a bunch of good ideas.
Anyone, even an autistic Vtuber fag, or a vitriolic Honkai player. It's easy enough, probable enough for the lazy to cling on.
But only a very small fraction of those people, actually put the work into making their vision a reality.
A much smaller fraction, actually see it through. And even then, only a miniscule percentage actually do it right.
Execution does override intent. And no amount of daydreaming about ebin stories is going to make you an artist. There's so much more about it besides having a vision. If you can't even express that "vision" by yourself, you're no artist.
>>373172
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/226783/deadpool-in-equestria
Here's your capeshit goyslopxpony, retard.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/226783/deadpool-in-equestria
Here's your capeshit goyslopxpony, retard.
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Triple P is back: Pony Prompt Pomf! What are we gonna do in this thread, big bro Sven?
*Smacks Lips*
I'm gonna present you with a peeeeeeeeee... prompt. Prompt. That's what I was gonna say. You, are gonna read it, and be so inspired that you can't help yourself but to write entire walls of text on the subject matter(Or maybe like three sentences) whatever, it's gonna be great... Great.
Here's that prompt, be inspired:
>Be Anon and be in Reversed Gender Roles Equestria.
>You're happily married and have herd with two lovely mares, or well that used to be the case.
>But now all they do is bicker with each other.
>This domestic issue has gone so far that a quiet dinner-table is preferable to a one were you talk because all your two waifus do is fight with each other.
<You can choose who they are and what they fight over.
<
<Here's some examples (only for inspiration):
>Who? :
Rainbow Dash and 
Mayor Mare.
>Why? : Rainbow crash keeps demolishing walls, windows, and roofs in Ponyville and Mayor has had enough with her excuses.
>Who? :
Rarity and 
Suri Polomare.
>Why? : They have their past but now their clothing enterprises also compete with each other all over Equestria.
>Who? :
Aryanne and 
Zecora.
>Why? : Aryanne hates how her precious Anon is being defiled by a filthy Zigger while Zecora thinks Aryanne is a horse-nahtze.
Oh, the drama! How will ur Anon mend their pony hearts and make them see reason? Ponies please! This, this is about love. But they cannot see. idk ^^
*Smacks Lips*
I'm gonna present you with a peeeeeeeeee... prompt. Prompt. That's what I was gonna say. You, are gonna read it, and be so inspired that you can't help yourself but to write entire walls of text on the subject matter(Or maybe like three sentences) whatever, it's gonna be great... Great.
Here's that prompt, be inspired:
>Be Anon and be in Reversed Gender Roles Equestria.
>You're happily married and have herd with two lovely mares, or well that used to be the case.
>But now all they do is bicker with each other.
>This domestic issue has gone so far that a quiet dinner-table is preferable to a one were you talk because all your two waifus do is fight with each other.
<You can choose who they are and what they fight over.
<
<Here's some examples (only for inspiration):
>Who? :
Rainbow Dash and Mayor Mare. >Why? : Rainbow crash keeps demolishing walls, windows, and roofs in Ponyville and Mayor has had enough with her excuses.
>Who? :
Rarity and Suri Polomare.>Why? : They have their past but now their clothing enterprises also compete with each other all over Equestria.
>Who? :
Aryanne and Zecora.>Why? : Aryanne hates how her precious Anon is being defiled by a filthy Zigger while Zecora thinks Aryanne is a horse-nahtze.
Oh, the drama! How will ur Anon mend their pony hearts and make them see reason? Ponies please! This, this is about love. But they cannot see. idk ^^
1 replies and 0 files omitted.
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>>372643
>>372644
>Dear Spike and Twilight, we're going through some domestic issues and need your assistance. Your friends are welcome to come with you to help in this endeavor or just visit.
Signed, BBBFF BSBFF Flurry and everyone with love.
PS You'll probably learn some uncomfortable truths no other pony knows about. Which is why we aren't getting a professional due the classified nature of those truths.
"Okay the bait is set and now to wait dramatically."
>"The map told us of a friendship problem, we're here to help."
>That's pretty fast, didn't even get to send the letter yet.
>Donning the mask you head to meet up with Shining Armor and Cadance for the welcoming of the autismo friends.
>But the Crystal Palace is a big place.
>"Thanks for inviting us to stay until we solve the friendship problem BBBFF."
>"Always LSBFF."
>"Why don't you and your friends join us for dinner?"
>An immaculate spread dons the royal eating table.
>Sitting between your waifus. You hand the letter to Twilight.
>Her eyes go wide reading, a few times.
>"Looks like we found the friendship problem girls."
>Shining and Cadance are slightly confused so you decide to speak up.
"Shining and Cadance have been snapping at each other excessively and this is perhaps the first time in months they've held back."
>Pinkie responds with a smile.
>"Sure thing Shining Armor's tail."
>The rest of the girls are slightly confused, but your lovey dovies are shocked Pinkie even acknowledged something was off.
"To give you context years ago Shining Armor made a friend—"
"and was the cutest teen filly anyone could talk with."
>Unsurprisingly they gasp, but so does Shining Armor and Cadance.
>Twilight starts breathing faster.
>"You mean all this time... my magic turned you into a stallion?"
>"Oh my."
"No my Shining Armor was always and is a mare."
>Twilight trying to reconcile the news asked the question on everypony's tongue.
>"Why didn't you tell me?"
>Shining the strategic defensive genius picks up.
>"Twilie, it's about my friend. My very special friend who I'm married with. He needed protection and I can't just change how I look."
>They gasp and exclaim again.
>"Princess Mi Amor Cadenza is actually Prince Mi Amor Cadenza!"
>Cadance speaks up.
>"No I'm a mare and so is Shining Armor and she was always a mare as well."
>"We have a very special friend and lover..."
>"It can't be Queen Chrysalis can it?"
>"Ew no, it's our alien friend."
>Unsurprisingly Spike is handed quite a few bits.
>Maybe filing him in on zomponies and other classified threats warped his perspective, then again he turned out alright.
>"So make sure you all stay calm because he's been sitting here with us this whole time right between Me and Cadance."
>Taking off the disguise you're exposed in perhaps the first time with so many other ponies.
>"He's, he's—"
>"Who is he?"
>Rarity the rumor monger she is speaks out.
>"The mysterious Tall Dick of Canterlot! Who happens to always show up where ever Shining Armor investigated. Especially the case of the Hoo-Hoo's fabulous fashion fiasco."
>You give a small shudder, another reason why you're almost always totally nude.
"It's why I swore off the idiocy that is ball bras."
>Twilight the nerd horse can't help but defend the enchanted clothing.
>"It's the sole reason why the population ratio is only 5 to 1 instead of 21 to 1."
>Rainbow Dash has her priorities straight.
>"So you're just hanging in the wind, don't tell us you don't a sheath guard either."
>Instead of answering Fluttershy pipes up.
>"But in the Sunny-Side Up news Shining had pictures taken showing he, I mean she was wearing them."
>Twilight about to pass out from imagining a poor defenceless alien stallion hears another knock out piece of news.
>"It's actually a milk reservoir, helps keep in shape and he loves the taste."
>"But he loves my milk the most."
>"How come nopony ever saw your power pussy then, sugar cube."
>A quick glance was all that's needed for them to understand.
>"Sweet Celestia yall been doing it in public for how long?"
>Pinkie Pie thankfully breaks the ice.
>"Since the beginning 'cause he's wearing sexy alien socks."
>Twilight passes out, horn and wings throbbing with lust and blood.
>All the other mares, thirsty to catch a peek at your one of a kind lewd body pause as they realize you have two of the biggest baddest ponies with enough fire power combined to potentially match Twilight Sparkle.
>Also you the wild card.
>Rarity had that glint in her eyes every pony gets when they think they're being clever.
>"How about I join your lovely—"
>In stereo both Shining and Cadance and you instantly shoot her down with a no.
>Then Rarity smuggly grins.
>"Your friendship with benefits problem is you have three alpha head mares even if you're a stallion."
>This statment fills you with dread.
>If anything is every simple enough to be stated as is, it becomes inversely as difficult.
"What's an alpha head mare?"
>The following management-babble about pony sexual relationships, is biggest baddest mare is bestest and needs to show she has the biggest dick in the room.
>That didn't feel right though.
>Even when both your mares are begrudgingly nodding.
"No, that doesn't seem right, that's not the full story. All the evidence doesn't fit."
>It's a pensive silence.
>"Ummm, you are the father for Flurry Heart?"
>You nod.
>Freezing in place an uncomfortable idea floats up
>you've been banging Shining Armor unprotected all this time.
>It's at that point Shining Armor starts sniffling trying to put on a brave face.
>Cadance pulls Shining Armor into a hug, pulling you in to.
>The love princess talks.
>"Ponies are married almost around the time their eggs are fertile, that's when the family home is secured and the traditional third honeymoon begins to ensure a successful pregnancy."
>Mouth fills with lead.
"Maybe."
"Maybe it's because of what I am."
>Careful pregnant pause as all consider the implication.
>Twiggles twitches back to awareness, blinking rapidly, yelling and blasting you with beams of magic.
>"Changling!"
>>372644
>Dear Spike and Twilight, we're going through some domestic issues and need your assistance. Your friends are welcome to come with you to help in this endeavor or just visit.
Signed, BBBFF BSBFF Flurry and everyone with love.
PS You'll probably learn some uncomfortable truths no other pony knows about. Which is why we aren't getting a professional due the classified nature of those truths.
"Okay the bait is set and now to wait dramatically."
>"The map told us of a friendship problem, we're here to help."
>That's pretty fast, didn't even get to send the letter yet.
>Donning the mask you head to meet up with Shining Armor and Cadance for the welcoming of the autismo friends.
>But the Crystal Palace is a big place.
>"Thanks for inviting us to stay until we solve the friendship problem BBBFF."
>"Always LSBFF."
>"Why don't you and your friends join us for dinner?"
>An immaculate spread dons the royal eating table.
>Sitting between your waifus. You hand the letter to Twilight.
>Her eyes go wide reading, a few times.
>"Looks like we found the friendship problem girls."
>Shining and Cadance are slightly confused so you decide to speak up.
"Shining and Cadance have been snapping at each other excessively and this is perhaps the first time in months they've held back."
>Pinkie responds with a smile.
>"Sure thing Shining Armor's tail."
>The rest of the girls are slightly confused, but your lovey dovies are shocked Pinkie even acknowledged something was off.
"To give you context years ago Shining Armor made a friend—"
"and was the cutest teen filly anyone could talk with."
>Unsurprisingly they gasp, but so does Shining Armor and Cadance.
>Twilight starts breathing faster.
>"You mean all this time... my magic turned you into a stallion?"
>"Oh my."
"No my Shining Armor was always and is a mare."
>Twilight trying to reconcile the news asked the question on everypony's tongue.
>"Why didn't you tell me?"
>Shining the strategic defensive genius picks up.
>"Twilie, it's about my friend. My very special friend who I'm married with. He needed protection and I can't just change how I look."
>They gasp and exclaim again.
>"Princess Mi Amor Cadenza is actually Prince Mi Amor Cadenza!"
>Cadance speaks up.
>"No I'm a mare and so is Shining Armor and she was always a mare as well."
>"We have a very special friend and lover..."
>"It can't be Queen Chrysalis can it?"
>"Ew no, it's our alien friend."
>Unsurprisingly Spike is handed quite a few bits.
>Maybe filing him in on zomponies and other classified threats warped his perspective, then again he turned out alright.
>"So make sure you all stay calm because he's been sitting here with us this whole time right between Me and Cadance."
>Taking off the disguise you're exposed in perhaps the first time with so many other ponies.
>"He's, he's—"
>"Who is he?"
>Rarity the rumor monger she is speaks out.
>"The mysterious Tall Dick of Canterlot! Who happens to always show up where ever Shining Armor investigated. Especially the case of the Hoo-Hoo's fabulous fashion fiasco."
>You give a small shudder, another reason why you're almost always totally nude.
"It's why I swore off the idiocy that is ball bras."
>Twilight the nerd horse can't help but defend the enchanted clothing.
>"It's the sole reason why the population ratio is only 5 to 1 instead of 21 to 1."
>Rainbow Dash has her priorities straight.
>"So you're just hanging in the wind, don't tell us you don't a sheath guard either."
>Instead of answering Fluttershy pipes up.
>"But in the Sunny-Side Up news Shining had pictures taken showing he, I mean she was wearing them."
>Twilight about to pass out from imagining a poor defenceless alien stallion hears another knock out piece of news.
>"It's actually a milk reservoir, helps keep in shape and he loves the taste."
>"But he loves my milk the most."
>"How come nopony ever saw your power pussy then, sugar cube."
>A quick glance was all that's needed for them to understand.
>"Sweet Celestia yall been doing it in public for how long?"
>Pinkie Pie thankfully breaks the ice.
>"Since the beginning 'cause he's wearing sexy alien socks."
>Twilight passes out, horn and wings throbbing with lust and blood.
>All the other mares, thirsty to catch a peek at your one of a kind lewd body pause as they realize you have two of the biggest baddest ponies with enough fire power combined to potentially match Twilight Sparkle.
>Also you the wild card.
>Rarity had that glint in her eyes every pony gets when they think they're being clever.
>"How about I join your lovely—"
>In stereo both Shining and Cadance and you instantly shoot her down with a no.
>Then Rarity smuggly grins.
>"Your friendship with benefits problem is you have three alpha head mares even if you're a stallion."
>This statment fills you with dread.
>If anything is every simple enough to be stated as is, it becomes inversely as difficult.
"What's an alpha head mare?"
>The following management-babble about pony sexual relationships, is biggest baddest mare is bestest and needs to show she has the biggest dick in the room.
>That didn't feel right though.
>Even when both your mares are begrudgingly nodding.
"No, that doesn't seem right, that's not the full story. All the evidence doesn't fit."
>It's a pensive silence.
>"Ummm, you are the father for Flurry Heart?"
>You nod.
>Freezing in place an uncomfortable idea floats up
>you've been banging Shining Armor unprotected all this time.
>It's at that point Shining Armor starts sniffling trying to put on a brave face.
>Cadance pulls Shining Armor into a hug, pulling you in to.
>The love princess talks.
>"Ponies are married almost around the time their eggs are fertile, that's when the family home is secured and the traditional third honeymoon begins to ensure a successful pregnancy."
>Mouth fills with lead.
"Maybe."
"Maybe it's because of what I am."
>Careful pregnant pause as all consider the implication.
>Twiggles twitches back to awareness, blinking rapidly, yelling and blasting you with beams of magic.
>"Changling!"
>>372643
>>372644
>>372727
Thank for your tribute. You will not be forgotten. Your legacy will live on and you will be celebrated forever.
Occult Facade, I always have to read your stuff a few hundred times before I grasp a gist of what is going on but what's so great about you is that if I do read it diligently I often find the answers to my questions.
Though, having said that, I understand like 70% of this story after reading it a few times. ^^
>ball bras
<attached
>>372644
>>372727
Thank for your tribute. You will not be forgotten. Your legacy will live on and you will be celebrated forever.
Occult Facade, I always have to read your stuff a few hundred times before I grasp a gist of what is going on but what's so great about you is that if I do read it diligently I often find the answers to my questions.
Though, having said that, I understand like 70% of this story after reading it a few times. ^^
>ball bras
<attached
>>372727
>A barrage of power harmlessly is absorbed into you. Bathing the large dining room in her magical pink glow. The untouched royal crystal meals glinting off her immense magic.
>She keeps going.
>"You can't trick me. I've read the reports. I've talked with Thorax and the reformed changlings. So no matter how much love you have stored up you can't face against true love or the magic of friendship."
>Maybe you should have read the after action reports about the changlings, but that's the medical rehabilitation area and you were a bit more occupied with other matters.
>Something so extreme Twilight would just start blasting.
>Then again Twilight is pretty quick with the trigger.
>You're just sitting in The Thinker pose.
"What could changlings do that's so abhorrent?"
>None of the ponies answer as Twilight is digging deeper in her magic to scrub out your existence. But maybe that's the wrong question.
>Meanwhile you dig deeper into the knowledge of your old world and the dark arts of horse puns.
>Ponies are the big dick saviors of this world, the places they touch turn out well.
>More importantly is that this world's gender roles are the opposite of your own.
>There's an exception for cutie marks though.
>Like super sentai and other related media many the villains are the akin to the horny fanservice.
>But also thematically fitting.
>Who should for all intents a purposes try to take revenge, but didn't.
"Hmmm, but why was she obsessed with Starlight Glimmer, The Rainbow Laser gang but not us."
>Cascades of magic enough to level a few cities still do nothing as WMD Twilight keeps it up.
>She trapped my family in the love extracting goo, but we had Flurry Heart by then.
>Stupid haunted mine bullshit keeping you from being there for them when they needed you.
>There's probably not enough information to take a firm stance anywhich way yet, and that's not even considering Cadance yet.
>You then notice the floor where Twilight is standing is steaming and being pushed like rolls of fabric.
"Hey you're ruining the floor Twilie."
>"I don't care you ruined my big brother best friend forever!"
>You carefully walk closer to her. High stepping unto of the table avoiding the royal berry salads making a beeline to the lavender alicorn princess Twilight Sparkle.
>These days you know better than to touch a pony's horn unless their your lovely mares, the shock of what is antithetical to magic positively orgasmic.
>Less said about the bottle incident the better.
>Instead of touching her and turning her into a real mare, you do the next best thing.
>Lightly you close the distance and boop the snoot.
>Causing her to discharge one last time, scrunching her cute muzzle and realizing why you could have done anything else you didn't.
>Her sweaty purple fur and heavily blushing checks looking just adorable on your little sister-in-law. Her friends a bit hot under the collar.
"Let's figure out what's going on. So what's in those reports Bookfort princess."
>Cadance and Shining are still hugging each other whispering to each other slow tears soaking their coats.
>"Oh stars you're actually an alien and that wasn't Shining's tail back then."
>She takes a moment to collect herself.
>"Sadistic changlings can spend years slowly conditioning a pony to fit their image, through training, potions and magic. Everything shaped into whatever they imagine, with time and effort."
"Thank you, LSBFF. I haven't seen any lately, but that's surely important to know."
>A small hug for the purple, which causes her blush to be a bit stronger, but it's returned.
>With that everyone sits back down to eat. So the meal begins even if some are cooled off by now.
>You could cut the awkward air with a knife, instead you're cuddling your mares and eating with them.
>Rainbow Dash is the first to make some small talk.
>"You know this isn't half bad, reminds me of some grub the Wonderbolts have then Spitfire told me to keep to my own side of the lunch room."
>Shining Armor already looks a bit better and talks.
>"It reminds me of back home, not quite all the time but you get a taste for it."
>Pinkie Pie ready to spring into action steals the show.
>"Wowie you're right it tastes close to something back home at the rock farm and I only tried it once, but it's right on the tip of my tongue."
>At that the awkwardness is broken as suggestions for what kinds of spice and playful talk rose once again.
>Rarity looks at Spike then nods looking at Twilight, cuts in while Twilight pulls out a breaker and cotton swab.
>Spike does that irritating claw tapping.
>"Scrumptious, and for dessert won't you tell me why you're so angry?"
>That set off Cadance.
>"I'm not angry!"
>The Shining.
>"Puh-lease you can't help but start yelling at the start of a—"
>"Like you're any better miss waterworks to verbal flaying, you—"
>"Me? It's never about me it's always you, you, you."
>Spike yells.
>"Stop! Twilight take their magical measurements."
>With a glow, a beam and a swab on the horn. She hems and haws.
>They're utterly shocked and torn between wanting to castigate Spike or Rarity.
>"Doesn't look like anything I've seen changlings accomplish there's just too many conflicting and complicated sources all interesting it'd take a genius to plan whatever this is."
>Fluttershy asks the question that's on the tip of your tongue.
>"Ummm what is it?"
>"Magic density analysis, its the quickest way to see if there's anything foreign in a pony's body."
>That's really concerning.
>"Sorry Shining and Cadance you both and mom and dad said not to do science at the table, but I think we're going to have to do some advanced science here and now."
>She has a gleam when she looks at you.
>Maybe this wasn't the best idea, but you'll tough it out, for them.
>A barrage of power harmlessly is absorbed into you. Bathing the large dining room in her magical pink glow. The untouched royal crystal meals glinting off her immense magic.
>She keeps going.
>"You can't trick me. I've read the reports. I've talked with Thorax and the reformed changlings. So no matter how much love you have stored up you can't face against true love or the magic of friendship."
>Maybe you should have read the after action reports about the changlings, but that's the medical rehabilitation area and you were a bit more occupied with other matters.
>Something so extreme Twilight would just start blasting.
>Then again Twilight is pretty quick with the trigger.
>You're just sitting in The Thinker pose.
"What could changlings do that's so abhorrent?"
>None of the ponies answer as Twilight is digging deeper in her magic to scrub out your existence. But maybe that's the wrong question.
>Meanwhile you dig deeper into the knowledge of your old world and the dark arts of horse puns.
>Ponies are the big dick saviors of this world, the places they touch turn out well.
>More importantly is that this world's gender roles are the opposite of your own.
>There's an exception for cutie marks though.
>Like super sentai and other related media many the villains are the akin to the horny fanservice.
>But also thematically fitting.
>Who should for all intents a purposes try to take revenge, but didn't.
"Hmmm, but why was she obsessed with Starlight Glimmer, The Rainbow Laser gang but not us."
>Cascades of magic enough to level a few cities still do nothing as WMD Twilight keeps it up.
>She trapped my family in the love extracting goo, but we had Flurry Heart by then.
>Stupid haunted mine bullshit keeping you from being there for them when they needed you.
>There's probably not enough information to take a firm stance anywhich way yet, and that's not even considering Cadance yet.
>You then notice the floor where Twilight is standing is steaming and being pushed like rolls of fabric.
"Hey you're ruining the floor Twilie."
>"I don't care you ruined my big brother best friend forever!"
>You carefully walk closer to her. High stepping unto of the table avoiding the royal berry salads making a beeline to the lavender alicorn princess Twilight Sparkle.
>These days you know better than to touch a pony's horn unless their your lovely mares, the shock of what is antithetical to magic positively orgasmic.
>Less said about the bottle incident the better.
>Instead of touching her and turning her into a real mare, you do the next best thing.
>Lightly you close the distance and boop the snoot.
>Causing her to discharge one last time, scrunching her cute muzzle and realizing why you could have done anything else you didn't.
>Her sweaty purple fur and heavily blushing checks looking just adorable on your little sister-in-law. Her friends a bit hot under the collar.
"Let's figure out what's going on. So what's in those reports Bookfort princess."
>Cadance and Shining are still hugging each other whispering to each other slow tears soaking their coats.
>"Oh stars you're actually an alien and that wasn't Shining's tail back then."
>She takes a moment to collect herself.
>"Sadistic changlings can spend years slowly conditioning a pony to fit their image, through training, potions and magic. Everything shaped into whatever they imagine, with time and effort."
"Thank you, LSBFF. I haven't seen any lately, but that's surely important to know."
>A small hug for the purple, which causes her blush to be a bit stronger, but it's returned.
>With that everyone sits back down to eat. So the meal begins even if some are cooled off by now.
>You could cut the awkward air with a knife, instead you're cuddling your mares and eating with them.
>Rainbow Dash is the first to make some small talk.
>"You know this isn't half bad, reminds me of some grub the Wonderbolts have then Spitfire told me to keep to my own side of the lunch room."
>Shining Armor already looks a bit better and talks.
>"It reminds me of back home, not quite all the time but you get a taste for it."
>Pinkie Pie ready to spring into action steals the show.
>"Wowie you're right it tastes close to something back home at the rock farm and I only tried it once, but it's right on the tip of my tongue."
>At that the awkwardness is broken as suggestions for what kinds of spice and playful talk rose once again.
>Rarity looks at Spike then nods looking at Twilight, cuts in while Twilight pulls out a breaker and cotton swab.
>Spike does that irritating claw tapping.
>"Scrumptious, and for dessert won't you tell me why you're so angry?"
>That set off Cadance.
>"I'm not angry!"
>The Shining.
>"Puh-lease you can't help but start yelling at the start of a—"
>"Like you're any better miss waterworks to verbal flaying, you—"
>"Me? It's never about me it's always you, you, you."
>Spike yells.
>"Stop! Twilight take their magical measurements."
>With a glow, a beam and a swab on the horn. She hems and haws.
>They're utterly shocked and torn between wanting to castigate Spike or Rarity.
>"Doesn't look like anything I've seen changlings accomplish there's just too many conflicting and complicated sources all interesting it'd take a genius to plan whatever this is."
>Fluttershy asks the question that's on the tip of your tongue.
>"Ummm what is it?"
>"Magic density analysis, its the quickest way to see if there's anything foreign in a pony's body."
>That's really concerning.
>"Sorry Shining and Cadance you both and mom and dad said not to do science at the table, but I think we're going to have to do some advanced science here and now."
>She has a gleam when she looks at you.
>Maybe this wasn't the best idea, but you'll tough it out, for them.
>>372734
Thanks, I can't quite seem to nail down easy to read. One day perhaps it'll be that.
I'll post some of my personal notes after the story is done. Maybe an MS paint thing...
>pic
Going to do RGRE might as well go all the way.
Thanks, I can't quite seem to nail down easy to read. One day perhaps it'll be that.
I'll post some of my personal notes after the story is done. Maybe an MS paint thing...
>pic
Going to do RGRE might as well go all the way.
Getting to it, just letting you all know I haven't given up yet.
I'll get to the other green after this one.
I'll get to the other green after this one.
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BREAKING:
>The US is preparing sanctions against the international criminal court in The Hague because of the arrest warrant for Netanyahu - Times of Israel
>Unprecedented in human history.
>Members of Congress have warned the International Criminal Court that they will retaliate if arrest warrants are issued against Netanyahu and other senior Israeli officials.
>Speaker Mike Johnson:
>"If unchallenged by the Biden administration, the ICC could create and assume unprecedented power to issue arrest warrants against American political leaders, American diplomats, and American military personnel, thereby endangering our country's sovereign authority."
>Members of Congress from both parties are reportedly preparing legislation to sanction ICC officials unless they back down.
https://twitter.com/Megatron_ron/status/1785252432307437741
In case you had any doubts that the USA is owned by Israel.
>The US is preparing sanctions against the international criminal court in The Hague because of the arrest warrant for Netanyahu - Times of Israel
>Unprecedented in human history.
>Members of Congress have warned the International Criminal Court that they will retaliate if arrest warrants are issued against Netanyahu and other senior Israeli officials.
>Speaker Mike Johnson:
>"If unchallenged by the Biden administration, the ICC could create and assume unprecedented power to issue arrest warrants against American political leaders, American diplomats, and American military personnel, thereby endangering our country's sovereign authority."
>Members of Congress from both parties are reportedly preparing legislation to sanction ICC officials unless they back down.
https://twitter.com/Megatron_ron/status/1785252432307437741
In case you had any doubts that the USA is owned by Israel.
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Men and women under 30 are experiencing a rapidly growing ideological divide. Globally, data shows that women are becoming more liberal in their ideology. Conversely, men are becoming more conservative.
You cannot keep up a system that alienates young fighting age men on a mass scale. Eventually, those men will figure out that they can just use force and take what they want, and the henpecking HR schoolmarms will be powerless to stop them.
You cannot keep up a system that alienates young fighting age men on a mass scale. Eventually, those men will figure out that they can just use force and take what they want, and the henpecking HR schoolmarms will be powerless to stop them.
16 replies and 16 files omitted.
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>>373101
Not necessarily leftist women, just femcels.
I think they're fine overall, but I don't visit often because it's not for me. Nice to see altchans staying afloat.
Not necessarily leftist women, just femcels.
I think they're fine overall, but I don't visit often because it's not for me. Nice to see altchans staying afloat.
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I'm not even married yet I already want to divorce
File (): F30519B6E0908073E982B1F293F74CB8-3048399.png (2.9 MB, 2000x1332, boeing.png)
John Barnett, a former 32-year employee of Boeing, found dead in his vehicle from a "self-inflicted gunshot wound" before arriving for his third day of cross examination in a lawsuit against the company.
I'm a little late for the party on this one as it is a day old, but I was busy and just got around to it. Regardless, this is interesting timing, which I will go over. This started when John was finished working for the company after being not only ignored for safety concerns, but actively told that he was not to work contrary to the company.
He would state in his interview back in 2019: "That entire team came down. They were from the military side. My impression was their mindset was – we are going to do it the way we want to do it. Their motto at the time was – we are in Charleston and we can do anything we want."
https://archive.is/XpkbC#selection-163.1-163.231
I'm unsure if this means that a literal military component of Boeing was involved like contractors, or if it was a militaristic mindset. Either way, John stated he noticed something was up a bit over a decade ago "in 2011 and 2012, it was more of paperwork administrative issues – they didn’t want us documenting defects, they didn’t want us to complete paperwork correctly. They wanted us to just close jobs that weren’t done just to get the jobs closed out. It was more administrative."
https://archive.is/XpkbC#selection-175.1-175.279
He goes on to explain that "defective parts were mishandled and sometimes lost or refitted to planes from the company scrapyard to meet production timelines." and "he had discovered major issues in some of the planes' oxygen systems which could lead to one in four masks not functioning properly."
https://archive.is/jTwNz#selection-1705.21-1705.150
More concerning is the company both denying his direct claim but acknowledging it as true internally as "it acknowledged that an inspection in 2017 found that some oxygen bottles were in fact not deploying properly."
https://archive.is/udepd#selection-937.367-937.477
There was also a problem with how the planes were assembled, using the wrong type of bolts that would leave sharp shavings around that risked slicing vital wiring and interfering with components. "They are up to three inches long. They are razor sharp titanium slivers. When the fasteners are installed to hold down the floorboards, the threads are getting peeled off the fasteners. And those threads are falling down on top of the wire bundles and electronic equipment. Over time, as the vibrations of the airplane work the slivers into the wire bundles and into the connectors, they are going to short something out eventually. I don’t see how it is possible that they don’t." "After I filed my complaint, the FAA came in and did a spot audit. They audited five airplanes in Everett and five airplanes in Charleston. And they found the metal slivers in all ten airplanes they inspected."
https://archive.is/XpkbC#selection-319.1-319.481
And, in case there was any doubt, as we all could guess, this ties back around to diversity mandates, even if the media refuses to name it. "Boeing has denied Barnett's allegations but a 2017 investigation by the FAA found issues that plagued their aircraft." "The FAA found at least 53 non-conforming parts with unknown locations in the factory." "They also found that mechanics at Spirit AeroSystems, one of Boeing's suppliers, used hotel key cards to check door seals and Dawn soap as a lubricant."
https://archive.is/jTwNz#selection-2507.0-2517.151
I suppose only the dumbest of niggers, spics, and token white liberals may apply at Boeing these days. In fact, they had to teach these dumbfucks that there was a difference in measurement types. "In February, the FAA concluded that Boeing had "a lack of awareness of safety-related metrics at all levels." "It also said that "employees had difficulty distinguishing the differences among various measuring methods, their purpose and outcomes." "In response to the recent FAA audit, Boeing released a statement that they would have conversations with employees that do not understand manufacturing procedures reported the Washington Post."
https://archive.is/jTwNz#selection-2539.0-2551.1
Enter this trial where John is suing Boeing for defamation by calling him a liar when they did internal investigations and proved him telling the truth. He had completed two days of the cross examination. He then was found dead in his truck before arriving to court for the third day. "He was found dead in his orange pickup truck with a silver handgun in his hand and finger still on the trigger, according to a police report." "A worker at the motel where Barnett was staying reported hearing a "pop" sound near the back of the building where the ex-employee was found dead around 9:30 am." All of this apparently happened on the 9th and he declared deceased on the 11th.
https://archive.is/2I6KK#selection-1745.1-1779.3
I do find this timing especially interesting given the recent news of Homeland Security getting involved with gaming diversity, as this anon covered.
>>/vx/171310
It seems we are rapidly approaching the phase of replacement where you aren't allowed to comment on everything failing because it might slow down things a bit to try and do patchwork. Even telling niggers how measuring works is approaching hatecrime it seems, which warrants your immediate termination. No no, not termination from your job, your life.
I'm a little late for the party on this one as it is a day old, but I was busy and just got around to it. Regardless, this is interesting timing, which I will go over. This started when John was finished working for the company after being not only ignored for safety concerns, but actively told that he was not to work contrary to the company.
He would state in his interview back in 2019: "That entire team came down. They were from the military side. My impression was their mindset was – we are going to do it the way we want to do it. Their motto at the time was – we are in Charleston and we can do anything we want."
https://archive.is/XpkbC#selection-163.1-163.231
I'm unsure if this means that a literal military component of Boeing was involved like contractors, or if it was a militaristic mindset. Either way, John stated he noticed something was up a bit over a decade ago "in 2011 and 2012, it was more of paperwork administrative issues – they didn’t want us documenting defects, they didn’t want us to complete paperwork correctly. They wanted us to just close jobs that weren’t done just to get the jobs closed out. It was more administrative."
https://archive.is/XpkbC#selection-175.1-175.279
He goes on to explain that "defective parts were mishandled and sometimes lost or refitted to planes from the company scrapyard to meet production timelines." and "he had discovered major issues in some of the planes' oxygen systems which could lead to one in four masks not functioning properly."
https://archive.is/jTwNz#selection-1705.21-1705.150
More concerning is the company both denying his direct claim but acknowledging it as true internally as "it acknowledged that an inspection in 2017 found that some oxygen bottles were in fact not deploying properly."
https://archive.is/udepd#selection-937.367-937.477
There was also a problem with how the planes were assembled, using the wrong type of bolts that would leave sharp shavings around that risked slicing vital wiring and interfering with components. "They are up to three inches long. They are razor sharp titanium slivers. When the fasteners are installed to hold down the floorboards, the threads are getting peeled off the fasteners. And those threads are falling down on top of the wire bundles and electronic equipment. Over time, as the vibrations of the airplane work the slivers into the wire bundles and into the connectors, they are going to short something out eventually. I don’t see how it is possible that they don’t." "After I filed my complaint, the FAA came in and did a spot audit. They audited five airplanes in Everett and five airplanes in Charleston. And they found the metal slivers in all ten airplanes they inspected."
https://archive.is/XpkbC#selection-319.1-319.481
And, in case there was any doubt, as we all could guess, this ties back around to diversity mandates, even if the media refuses to name it. "Boeing has denied Barnett's allegations but a 2017 investigation by the FAA found issues that plagued their aircraft." "The FAA found at least 53 non-conforming parts with unknown locations in the factory." "They also found that mechanics at Spirit AeroSystems, one of Boeing's suppliers, used hotel key cards to check door seals and Dawn soap as a lubricant."
https://archive.is/jTwNz#selection-2507.0-2517.151
I suppose only the dumbest of niggers, spics, and token white liberals may apply at Boeing these days. In fact, they had to teach these dumbfucks that there was a difference in measurement types. "In February, the FAA concluded that Boeing had "a lack of awareness of safety-related metrics at all levels." "It also said that "employees had difficulty distinguishing the differences among various measuring methods, their purpose and outcomes." "In response to the recent FAA audit, Boeing released a statement that they would have conversations with employees that do not understand manufacturing procedures reported the Washington Post."
https://archive.is/jTwNz#selection-2539.0-2551.1
Enter this trial where John is suing Boeing for defamation by calling him a liar when they did internal investigations and proved him telling the truth. He had completed two days of the cross examination. He then was found dead in his truck before arriving to court for the third day. "He was found dead in his orange pickup truck with a silver handgun in his hand and finger still on the trigger, according to a police report." "A worker at the motel where Barnett was staying reported hearing a "pop" sound near the back of the building where the ex-employee was found dead around 9:30 am." All of this apparently happened on the 9th and he declared deceased on the 11th.
https://archive.is/2I6KK#selection-1745.1-1779.3
I do find this timing especially interesting given the recent news of Homeland Security getting involved with gaming diversity, as this anon covered.
>>/vx/171310
It seems we are rapidly approaching the phase of replacement where you aren't allowed to comment on everything failing because it might slow down things a bit to try and do patchwork. Even telling niggers how measuring works is approaching hatecrime it seems, which warrants your immediate termination. No no, not termination from your job, your life.
11 replies and 3 files omitted.
File (): E0B4E7A948C5F31FDE099DF7F5C5D1D9-152929.jpg (149.3 KB, 900x900, boeing.jpeg)
Just a reminder.
And the Boeing saga continues.
>2nd Boeing-Linked Whistleblower Dies
https://www.zerohedge.com/political/it-was-brutal-2nd-boeing-linked-whistleblower-dies
https://www.zerohedge.com/political/it-was-brutal-2nd-boeing-linked-whistleblower-dies
File (): 2A870F3A15797A00A21A59E4B0516015-53824.jpg (52.6 KB, 1280x720, diabetic-foot-ulcer-wound-image-1.jpg)
>>373147
This fag died by an infection in the hospital. Nobody knows when or how he was infected. And if the hospital thought in amputations, that means gangrene,
This fag died by an infection in the hospital. Nobody knows when or how he was infected. And if the hospital thought in amputations, that means gangrene,
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